Be forewarned - I'm grumpy.

Okay so here's the thing. My twin and I were talking last night, venting more like but who's counting. A paitent had asked her yesterday if she was married engaged or dating anyone. She said no. He was so so shocked. As in why aren't you married? Don't you WANT to get married? What's wrong w/ you? That type of attitude.
She was automatically defensive. And Saturday the Grandparents and Aunt asked about our status. Single. Hmm well he's out there. Yeah we know. Well don't fret. We're not.... You know some people just arent' MEANT to be married. At want point did we say we didn't want to get married? At what point did it become okay to give out guilt trips about our parents wanting more grandkids? At what flippin point do people get the right to corner us and insinuate that just cause we're 28 and single we should get pity? Yes I want to one day get married. Yes one day I want kids. Yes I miss really great sex. But I don't NEED a man to make my life complete. I know how to live my life w/o a man and have done so before. I've had the great boyfriend that I fell in love with. I've had the boyfriend that made me cringe at the thought of dating again if it would be like that again. I've been there. I know what I want and I more importantly know what I don't want and will not put up with. I refuse to settle for less just so I can join the group of "going steady" the group of "marrieds". Dammit why can't people stop doling out pity and criticism and ask " hey how are you? How are you enjoying life?" they'd get a much better and less defensive answer from both my twin and I. Guarranteed. I know this is bordering on ranting but it really ticks me off. Not to say I haven't had some friends say Gee I can't imagine why you don't have a boyfriend, you're cool!" And that's okay. I can handle that. But the criticism and pity is a crock.

On another note I would so love to curl up in my jammies and lay on the couch. Today's not that terribly great. Okay okay it could be alot worse. I'm good really I am. I just..... I'm upset about a few too many things that just don't seem manageable right now. Downright overwhelming in fact. I have made someone uncomfortable and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I don't even know how or what I did. And I hate that. I really hate that. I have questions I cannot figure out and don't know where to begin and then well there's the big one - what if I'm wrong? I mean a big fat in your face it's too late cause you're wrong. And I'm not talking about having ham and cheese for dinner instead of steak. Serious stuff which I'm not writing in detail cause I flat out don't want to.

I miss chip so much it hurts. I know we still IM everyday but it's not the same.

Sometimes I just wish I could start over, redo it something. Because now it's out there and I can't take it back. And there's the option of struggling to take my foot outta my mouth, telling people guess what you know how I always talk about so and so or such and such? Hey guess what?! I'm wrong. Who wants to do that? Sure as flip not me.

So basically I need a hug from Susan - a hang out time w/ Mel this weekend. I need to just relax, pray on it, ask for guidance cause I sure have no clue how to handle any of this, and just go on with my day. And maybe eat a snack.