Today has been a very strange day. Stuck in traffic as usual though I did have The Sounds to listen to so that was nice.
Got hit by a car who ran her red light an intersection before my work place.
Luckily (thank you God!) no one was injured and as far as I can tell no major damage.
Definite shaking hands and as i was waiting for the policemen to do their thing I asked if it was okay to smoke if I stayed in the car. He smiled and said yeah. So i had two.... w/ shaking hands.

I have a birthday coming up and it's just a number even if it is a milestone number.
I do hope i get that peanut butter chocolate pie that i love so so much!!!

I am starting a new drawing series that I am calling 'Backwards'. I was drawing last night - really just messing around w/ some ideas I'd been trying to work out and BLAMMO! something cool made it to paper. So I'm really excited and I am just so ready to start working on it this weekend. I finished the painting portion of another interesting drawing that will be scanned tonight. I am impressed w/ the turn out.

Sincerely Me

I remember a line in that movie 28 days that goes something like this:
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
I seem to be insane…..I don’t know how to do it any other way (yes I’m being vague and no it’s not dirty) yet the way I’m doing it now is going down that road of ‘not working’.
I end up w/ the same confused mixed emotions and later on down the line thinking what did I do wrong? How could I have done this differently?
I don’t know. Am I supposed to just sit around and wait?
Am I supposed to make it happen?
I don’t know and that fact in itself really pisses me off.
Feeling rather clueless more often than not these days.
Seems to me I’ve messed up that aspect yet again – it’s this feeling I can’t quite shake.
I don’t know how to turn it around or even find out if I have in fact messed it up or if I’m just a paranoid freak.

I spent a good part of an hour at lunch drawing erasing drawing erasing and back and forth and so on. I have nothing to show for it.
I have this idea yet I cannot get it out on paper.

I know I should be overall a good person, to love selflessly, to be overall nice and good and Christian and right now I’m having a hard time of it.
I want to kick someone or something. Really hard.
This week in particular I find myself judging a great deal and I know I shouldn’t – it’s not my job to judge and I certainly don’t want to be judged but I’m doing it still.

This week is just hard....

Ever feel like you've got alot to say but can't seem to get the words to come out?

That feeling seems to be following me like a storm cloud.



Friday my grandparents were in town so we headed off to my parents for dinner. As I had expected, I did get that "So does he (sister's boyfriend) have a brother for beth?" I knew I'd hear it as I hear it everytime they are in town.

Since I'm so incredibly tired of feeling as if I have to defend myself for being single, I just lied and said, oh I'm seeing someone. At that point my sister jumped in and brought the conversation around to something else. God bless her.

I'm sure that's part of their 'job' as relatives but I hate hearing it. I've heard it all before.

I am well aware of my single status. Generally speaking it doesn't bother me - I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reason. Been there done that.

Don't get me wrong, there are certain things I sure do miss. Hand holding, that look you get from the boyfriend, all that stuff. I miss that; however I refuse to settle for less.

I have an idea of what I want and I know for a fact what I do not want. I think that is perfectly okay.

Seems to me that relatives don't always understand that concept.



I found myself Friday late night pouring through my bible and notes looking for words of inspiration. I have been told this is a good thing to do and at times it has worked quite well.

Friday however proved extremely frustrating as I couldn't quite find the words that 'spoke' to me.

After smoking w/ my sister and 'venting' over my frustration, the words I needed just popped into my head. BAM!!!! funny how that turns out. Have faith, He has a plan for you even if you don't yet know what it is.

Sunday the sermon seemed to focus very much on that topic. Again, funny how that works out. I needed to hear it.



The rest of the weekend was me working on art ideas - I have come up w/ some interesting ideas that I'd really like to try out. I finished one yesterday and I hope I don't sound too egotistical when I say I am very impressed with it.




I've had this strange and disturbing recurring dream that while it's extremely vivid in my mind I cannot describe it in words. I hope to draw it out. Since it is a recurring dream I can't help but wonder if there is any signifigance in it.



I never did get around to spring cleaning and goodwill but i did manage a load of dishes and laundry and even took the trash out. Go me........
The rest of the weekend I spent working on some drawings and relaxing.





I find that when my mood seems to be decent but edging towards irritable it helps to listen to anything by Kate Bush. She is fantastic.

1. It's Friday! I am this close to the weekend. I love weekends because I can wear baggy pj's all weekend if I want to. I can take naps in between chores. I can be on my own schedule. I have every intention of cleaning out the guestroom/spring cleaning and taking some stuff to the goodwill.
2. I'm currently hooked to two songs: Fascination by La Roux and Time Won't Let Me Go by The Bravery.
3. I have a jar of baby dill pickles on my desk.
4. I very much like my wrists. I'm not sure why.
5. I keep coming across various versions of this quote: go for what you want, don't let fear hold you back, don't let that be a regret later in life. I very much like that and I try to remember that everyday. Sometimes though, something as simple as a coffee invite is downright terrifying yet the thought of never knowing what that answer would be is equally terrifying.

That's all I've got

Today is today…. Not bad not overly fantastic.
Just today….
The music however is great: Shiny Toy Guns: Rainy Monday.

Sleep wasn’t my friend last night and I ended up getting out of bed at 4:15am and working on a drawing. I'm nearly finished with it but I'm so excited about it I am posting a portion of it now.



Last night's chicken tacos were the bees knees. So tasty.
For part of an early b/d present my friend gave me among other cool things a stress ball shaped as a gray shark. I’ve named him Bliskett and he now lives on my desk.

I'm not entirely sure I have anything intelligent to say today.
My mind seems to be somewhere else dreaming of photos to take, drawings to draw, swinging on swingsets etc and so forth.

I watched Raging Sharks last night. It was so bad it should have hurt. You know it's a bad film when a SHARK movie starts off w/ two aliens gurbling alien languages and shooting cold fusion crystals into the earth's atmostphere; or when the sharks literally growl like lions. It was so so bad.......

postsecret.com had some wonderful secrets today.
I like this tidbit of advice I found posted today:

Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.

-anonymous-

Things that pretty much rock:

Me getting tacos for dinner

interesting vampire drawing ideas - 1/2 done... kind of....

my gray cardigan that I sometimes wear to work but looks much better w/ faded jeans and a vintage tshirt.

my vintage gray care bears tshirt

lemon cheesecake chapstick that my sister makes.

a particular punky edgy look

interesting and fabulous photographs of converse. I love converse and I love these photos. I've had these photos (found on photobucket of course) saved for years now. I just think something so simple is just ingenious.





My all time favorite converse photo ever ever ever:



A collage I put together mixed w/ photos I found and some photos I took myself:

Manic Monday

There is tiredness in the air along with rain and humidity.

I blame 2 things: this weather. It makes me want to curl up on the couch with a good movie or curl up for a nap. Waking up at 2:30 am and having a hell of a time getting back to sleep.



I'm contemplating a line written by a fellow art blogger:

We are all sitting underneath the very same night sky.

It's a powerful line if you really think about it. We're all looking at the same moon, the same sky.

No matter what differences, joys, sadnesses, problems we all may have, we have that one thing in common. It's powerful to me.



Saturday was the vampire movie marathon on SyFy. All week I was filled with excitement for this. I was rather disappointed. Granted, the first movie, The Dark Prince - Story of Vlad Dracula was really interesting and I admit I enjoyed that one a great deal. If there's any truth to the story, I don't really see how he was that awful of a person. Yes he was incredibly brutal in battle. So was Willilam Wallace. Yet he was avenging his family. He was lifting the Turkish oppression off of Romania. You do what you have to do in those situations. I find his story rather fascinating in fact and would love to research it a great deal.



Sunday was thunderstorms - nothing awful and horrific, just that perfect afternoon thundershower. Rumbles of thunder and rain. those I like. Perfect for oversized pajamas, a good movie on tv (yesterday was Bridge to Terebithia) and drawings. I finished one drawing that I'm rather fond of in it's humorous state.



I've also pulled out an abstract I'd started back in April and am working on the colors again. I feel much better about the progress this time around.

I have also found that when it comes to 'crush' if I send musings and ramblings there will be no response however if I send direct questions I will get a response. That has to be a guy thing....
I can't help but wonder what he'd say if I asked him out for coffee. I don't believe I've gotten enough nerve yet to do so.

I've come across some fantastic 'rock opera' music by Nightwish that I feel the whole world should listen to. It's amazing. It's indescribable. I love it.

My last note is this: no matter where you are, what time of day it is whether it's in the middle of the pastor's sermon, church announcements, or 2:30 on a Sunday afternoon: Have some freakin common courtesy. It's very hard to focus on the sermon and get something out of it when the people behind you talk nearly the whole time. It's rather annoying when someone parks at the neighbors' house keeping the music on w/ that bass so loud it shakes your house windows (especially when you're trying to nap). Common courtesy people - try it!!!!

009 Sound System - "Speak to Angels"

You know how no one can "prove" the Loch Ness Monster really exists? Why not, when the next sighting occurs, someone jump right in the water and then they can really see what it is. And if that person comes back up alive and not eaten, then we'll have proof. OR maybe it'll really jump out of the water to catch the new food - the person that jumped in. While very risky, I think it's worth persuing.

Thursday Things

I love this commercial; it cracks me up and sadly enough.... on a smaller scale as a smoker I have felt that way.



Today is a good day for a things that are awesome and make me happy kind of day.
Punk music - today it's Warped Tour 2003 - Glasswar - NOFX
Tattoos - fleshly decoration.
movies that make you laugh so hard you literally spit your drink out of your nose.
drawing, creating alternative scenes and universes, and montsters...





Pants that fit and flow.
The Syfy Vampire Movie marathon this coming Saturday - I just can barely contain my excitement.

All books by SARK

simplistic beauty can be found anywhere:





stuck on the edge
sharp dark wet
threatening to swallow
swallow whole
can't breathe
can't see
fingers groping for something tangible
feet shuffling awkwardly into walls
dark ooze of blood in my ears
metallic in my mouth
searching the corners of the earth
for signs and symbols; for truths and realizations
staring them in the face with blind eyes.
BeB
5-4-10

Sincerely Me

words

Words for the day:

The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking – Robert Schuller

Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.

I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

My very own quote: when you feel blue, listen to Metric and draw sea turtles.