I remember a line in that movie 28 days that goes something like this:
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
I seem to be insane…..I don’t know how to do it any other way (yes I’m being vague and no it’s not dirty) yet the way I’m doing it now is going down that road of ‘not working’.
I end up w/ the same confused mixed emotions and later on down the line thinking what did I do wrong? How could I have done this differently?
I don’t know. Am I supposed to just sit around and wait?
Am I supposed to make it happen?
I don’t know and that fact in itself really pisses me off.
Feeling rather clueless more often than not these days.
Seems to me I’ve messed up that aspect yet again – it’s this feeling I can’t quite shake.
I don’t know how to turn it around or even find out if I have in fact messed it up or if I’m just a paranoid freak.

I spent a good part of an hour at lunch drawing erasing drawing erasing and back and forth and so on. I have nothing to show for it.
I have this idea yet I cannot get it out on paper.

I know I should be overall a good person, to love selflessly, to be overall nice and good and Christian and right now I’m having a hard time of it.
I want to kick someone or something. Really hard.
This week in particular I find myself judging a great deal and I know I shouldn’t – it’s not my job to judge and I certainly don’t want to be judged but I’m doing it still.

This week is just hard....